Why You Shouldn't Try To Be Different

Maybe it is because of the media romanticising the idea of being different, or it is an inbuilt desire to be part of the crowd and stand out- to be on the receiving end of people's praise, admiration and envy. But, trying to be different can actually be toxic and is in fact, fruitless.

What does being different even mean?

Let's imagine a bell curve, the y-axis is the population, and the x-axis can be any personality parameter of your choice- e.g. extroversion/ introversion, submission/ dominance, prudence/ impulsivity, etc.

For example, in the bell curve below, the y- axis is how extroverted a person is. The centre of the bell curve represents majority of the population, those considered "normal". The population on both the extremes (coloured purple) are considered "different", often due to a mental health disorder, e.g. severe social anxiety (making the person extremely introverted), or mania (making the person extremely extroverted). These conditions usually get treated to ease the symptoms. That is what being different means. The people who fall under this category aren't trying to be different, and they're just different based on that one parameter.

This can be applied to physical and mental health conditions. In blood tests, there are the upper and lower limits of what is considered normal. If the value doesn't fall within these bounds, it could be due to an underlying illness.

Sure, evolution happens because of a difference that becomes favourable but evolution only ever occurs when the initial difference becomes the new normal. That is, when it is considered successful, when the crowd accepts and follows the trailblazer. Usually, there is resistance to this difference, be it the round earth ideology when it was theorised or any other great minds who were considered to be 'ahead of their time'. Difference is imperative when it comes to the development of a society.

So to speak, I am certainly not against difference, I am only against the very act of seeking to be different. Here's why-

Reason 1: Why it could mean anti- feminism.

Growing up, I've met girls who wanted to be different- "pick me girls". Girls who wanted to seem like they were one of the boys, "Oh, I'm not like the other girls." They were right. They were not like the "other girls" who respected the views of other members of their sex by not manufacturing ways to dissociate from them. It is often followed by, "I'm not feminine. I like sports, I don't like make up."

Who defines 'femininity'? Today, being feminine could mean anything- it could mean that one is into make up, fashion and make millions like Miuccia Prada, Aerin Lauder or it could mean one is amazing at sports, like Serena Williams or Naomi Osaka. Femininity in 2024 doesn't just mean skirts and dresses, it also means jeans, shorts and everything in between.

This isn't exclusive to women. It is patronising when men say, "I'm not like the other men. I don't lie, cheat, or objectify women." Okay, cool. No one is getting any bonus points for doing the bare minimum of being a decent human being. When men say, "Not all men." in response to a discussion about sexual assault, it dismisses the experiences of the woman. It does not prove that they are different, and not like all the other men who commit such atrocities.

Reason 2: Being different is an illusion

The vast majority of us go about thinking that we are different. I shared a poll on my instagram account a few years ago asking people if they thought they were different. Admittedly, it was a small sample size, consisting of just some of my friends and family, but it proves my point- 97% of the 60 people I asked, said that they were different.

Ironically, the other 3%, by admitting that they were not that different, became different. By trying NOT to be different.

We find comfort with similar souls, with people who share our beliefs, ideologies and interests. Is it really that bad that you're not a unique little snowflake, if that means you find teammates for life? Don't get me wrong, we're all different through the combination of our genetic makeup and environmental factors. If everyone is different, then surely the uniform presence of the difference itself makes us similar. It's a paradox, which proves that trying to be different is futile.

Reason 3: Originality is not the same as difference

Being original means being an independent mind. It is being able to think creatively and remaining open minded to new ideas that might make the society better. It means opposing the crowd if one doesn't agree, but it also means giving credit where credit is due.

The Milgram experiment consisted of simulated scenarios with-

1. The subject
2. An actor
3. The experiment conductor

The subject was the only one undergoing the experiment. The subject was asked to administer electric shocks of increasing voltage to the actors, who were acting to be 'learners'. The subjects were told the experiment was about learning through punishment. The actors (who weren't actually shocked) pretended to be in pain and begged the subject for mercy. The experiment conductors were asked to reassure or order the subjects to continue to administer shocks if they seemed hesitant. Very few subjects defied authority and stopped the experiment. Most people were obedient and administered shocks that would have been lethal had it been real.

Without independent thinking, people have the potential to become instruments to catastrophically destructive processes by just doing their job. Originality means having the courage to stand up against conformity when it doesn't feel right, but originality should also be humble enough to see alternate points of views to welcome changes that could create a positive impact.

Originality means being genuine, but still batting for the home team. Trying to be different means opposing the home team at every juncture. It is the equivalent of a football player scoring a same side goal.

Conclusion

We are special to the people who love us. We are the main characters in our own stories. We're different in the way that we think today, than we did yesterday. We're different in the way that we bounce back from failures and the way we change our narrative. But we're different, not because we tried to be different, but because that is how we're made.

The power lies in embracing any difference that falls into your lap wholeheartedly, but also in believing that this difference, whatever it might be in, doesn't cause you to be any more or less special than any other human being.